i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
