weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I stole a fireplace last night.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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