Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
