Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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