Having a random hookup so left but love u
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Randomize
