did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
