All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
