Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
