evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
