Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
