yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
