I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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