my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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