Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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