Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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