oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize