Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
