So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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