HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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