So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
