dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
