Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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