Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
