I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
