I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
false alarm, still single
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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