he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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