I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
In America we eat man semen.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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