i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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