I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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