I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
