you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
