I need help removing her.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
We need to get me chipped asap
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
