There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
