Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
