I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
