Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
