Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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