Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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