Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
