I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
