you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
