girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
