I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
