She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
