ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
