Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize