hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
