I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
