He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
