**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
