BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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