better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
