put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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