Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
