I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
