She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
