i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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