"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
