i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Pants are for mortals
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
