I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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