We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
