highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
